A Host Family’s Guide to Easing Homesickness

Starting a new job is always a tough transition. Now, imagine saying goodbye to virtually everyone and everything you know, all while starting a new life and job. That’s exactly what Au Pairs go through, often managing homesickness while settling in their new role. 

The good news? As a Host Family, you can play a major role in helping your Au Pair overcome homesickness. After all, the strongest Host Family-Au Pair bonds form when the Au Pair feels truly at home. 

In this blog, we’ll cover the most common symptoms of homesickness and, most importantly, how you can help your Au Pair feel supported and valued from the very start.

Homesickness: What It Is (And What It Isn’t)

Homesickness is the feeling of missing the places we come from, including the people, culture, language, customs, and even the food. In most cases, it’s a completely normal response to being away from home.

If your Au Pair feels homesick, it doesn’t mean they’re a poor fit for your family or unhappy with your home environment. In fact, even Au Pairs with incredibly strong Host Family bonds can experience some initial homesickness. 

Of course, just because homesickness is common doesn’t mean you should ignore it. To get over homesickness, Au Pairs need their Host Family’s help. Taking steps to help your Au Pair through this period ensures they adjust to your home and thrive in their new role.

How Long Does Homesickness Last?

Feelings of homesickness have no set time period. Some Au Pairs get through the thick of it in a matter of weeks, while others can take months to fully shake the feeling.

How far your Au Pair traveled to join your family can also impact the duration of homesickness. The most important thing is to remain calm and supportive with your Au Pair while they work their way through homesickness.

Ultimately, your patience and empathy will ease their anxieties and help them overcome homesickness sooner.

Learn to Recognize Signs of Homesickness

It’s important to recognize the early symptoms of homesickness since it can so closely mimic job dissatisfaction. If you notice any of the following behaviors or patterns from your Au Pair early on, rest assured that it’s likely just part of an adjustment period.

• Lingering Sadness: Your Au Pair may seem a little down or withdrawn for the first few weeks or months as they deal with feelings of homesickness. That doesn’t mean they’re struggling with depression or it’s their usual personality. In fact, once they settle in, your Au Pair could very well reveal a sunny, positive disposition! 
• Low Motivation: It’s hard to get much done when we feel sad. Therefore, your Au Pair might need an extra nudge to tackle their responsibilities at first. Just remain patient if they need a couple of reminders for various tasks.

• Difficulty Focusing: Sadness has a way of causing people to stumble. Your Au Pair might make minor mistakes in their job while dealing with homesickness. This is a time for forgiveness and grace so you don’t add job anxiety on top of their homesickness.

• Emotional Turmoil: Mild mood swings can be another sign of homesickness since the many feelings stemming from the transition can be confusing and overwhelming. Sometimes sadness comes out as irritation, so don’t take mood swings personally.

Try to imagine how you would feel if you traveled thousands of miles away from everything you knew for a job. You probably wouldn’t be your usual self at first, either. Give your Au Pair time to adjust, and their authentic personality will shine through soon enough.

Physical Symptoms of Homesickness

Homesickness can also appear as physical sickness. While it’s always a good idea to ensure your Au Pair has access to quality medical care, know that these symptoms aren’t cause for panic. They might just come from being in an unfamiliar environment:

• Insomnia: New surroundings, a new time zone, and homesickness can all make sleep hard to come by. Don’t be surprised if you find your Au Pair up and about in the middle of the night. 

• Lethargy: With insomnia comes lethargy. Cut your Au Pair some slack if they’re sleepy in the first few weeks of the job. Once they regulate their sleep schedule, they should be more energetic.

• Over or Undereating: We all use food as a coping mechanism occasionally. To that point, your Au Pair might eat less (or more) than usual. Again, don’t assume this is a long-term issue of some sort. Chances are, it’s just a stress response to homesickness.

• Stress Headaches: Between learning new customs, navigating a new place, and acclimating to a new family, being an Au Pair can bring a lot of stress. And as we all know, stress can cause headaches. So, be ready with the aspirin and water for your new Au Pair.

Of course, if any of these symptoms last longer than expected, it’s always a good idea to help your Au Pair find the appropriate medical care. It’s always better to err on the side of caution.

Severe Homesickness Symptoms

With enough support and encouragement, most Au Pairs will overcome homesickness. However, those who really struggle to get past it might exhibit severe symptoms of being homesick:

• Anxiety: For some, anxiety can become so severe that they struggle to handle basic tasks.

• Self-Isolation: When Au Pairs don’t immerse themselves in their new community, they might retreat into self-isolation.

• Impulsiveness: Feelings like anxiety, depression, and loneliness can lead to impulsive behaviors like drinking to excess, overspending, doing drugs, or taking other risks.
• Poor Hygiene: The depression and fatigue associated with extreme homesickness can make it difficult for an Au Pair to handle basic hygiene tasks, like bathing or brushing their teeth.

If you notice any of these behaviors or symptoms in your Au Pair, it’s time for a more hands-on approach, including helping them find professional support. The health insurance provided to your Au Pair includes unlimited access to free telehealth services for mental health support, available whenever they need it.

Your Local Area Representative (LAR) and the Go Au Pair team are always here to support your Au Pair through feelings of homesickness. The LAR can also help by connecting them with other Au Pairs in the area for friendship and encouragement.

In the most extreme cases, it’s sometimes best for an Au Pair to return home, especially if their symptoms are jeopardizing your family’s well-being.

Speaking as experts in the field, we can honestly say these instances are exceptionally rare, but not impossible.

Dealing With Homesickness Together

Sometimes, Host Families aren’t sure whether or not to intervene when Au Pairs are homesick. From our experience, not only should you assist your Au Pair during this transition, but doing so shows them that you care about their well-being, helping them settle in more quickly.

Here are ways you can support your Au Pair, making them feel more comfortable and at ease while away from home.

Make Your Au Pair Feel at Home

Showing your Au Pair how excited you are to welcome them into your home can help ease some of those jitters. You can do this by:

• Giving Them a Care Package: You can fill this with items that make their transition easier, like toiletries, snacks, an eye mask, slippers, a local guidebook, a personal coffee mug, and even adapters for their devices.
• Creating a Personal Space for Them: Make sure you have your Au Pair’s private room ready for them. It’s important they have a place where they can excuse themselves when they’re feeling overwhelmed, or just need to recharge their social battery.
• Involving Them in Family Activities: From game nights to movie nights and family walks, including your Au Pair in these activities helps them feel less alone.
• Learning their Favorite Regional Recipe: You can ask your Au Pair what dish they miss most from their country, and learn to make it for them. If you’re not great in the kitchen, you can always find a restaurant in town that makes the meal.

Being welcomed into your home will be one of the best antidotes for homesickness, helping create a home-away-from-home for your Au Pair.

Foster Open Communication

Open communication lays the groundwork for a successful, rewarding relationship with your Au Pair. And helping them battle homesickness is a great place to start.

Try asking them simple questions like, “How are you feeling today?” or “Can you tell me what you’re really missing about home today?” Simply showing them that you care about their experiences by lending an open ear can ease their anxieties. 

Of course, it’s also important to respect your Au Pair’s boundaries. There might be some things they don’t want to share, and that’s okay, too. Honoring their boundaries is another way to help your Au Pair feel comfortable and supported.

Build a Routine

A consistent routine helps all of us feel more relaxed and confident in whatever we do. So, do your best to support your Au Pair in creating the structure they need.

This could include helping the kids get ready for school, assisting with homework, or managing the bedtime routine. You can also make sure they have a set time in their daily schedule to care for themselves, whether that’s through journaling, going for a walk, or calling their family.

Support Socialization

Building a community will help your Au Pair feel less isolated. Try encouraging them to socialize by:

• Inviting Them to Events: Going to a local fair, concert, or community event? Invite your Au Pair to join you. It can provide a distraction from their homesickness and give them a chance to meet new people. 
• Finding Relevant Meetup Groups: See if there are any Au Pair meetup groups in your area where they can share their experiences with people going through the same thing. Can’t find an existing group? Reach out to other families with Au Pairs and offer to host a meetup at your home.
• Providing Local Recommendations: Suggest fun places where your Au Pair might make friends during their time off. Think dog parks, cafes, parks, gyms, and social clubs, maybe even meeting others from their home country.

Making friends is an essential part of helping your Au Pair feel at home, so be sure to support their initiative to get out there and experience new people and places.

Encourage Regular Calls Home

Make sure your Au Pair knows they are always free to call their family to catch up. You can even offer your tablet for better video calls or step out so they can have privacy during the calls. 

Just make sure your Au Pair doesn’t feel guilty for taking a little time out of their work schedule to make these calls. 

Real Stories: How a Host Family and Their Au Pair Came Together to Beat Homesickness