Choosing an Au Pair is about so much more than finding someone with the right childcare experience. It’s about finding someone who feels like they belong in your home and your lives. An Au Pair can become a trusted caregiver, a cultural ambassador, and even a lifelong friend. Here’s how to choose an Au Pair who will truly feel like part of your family.
Make sure an Au Pair is right for your family
Before you get started finding your new family member you will want start by making sure Au Pair child care is the right fit.
- Can you provide them with a private bedroom in your home?
- Do you have the ability to provide help to a young adult unfamiliar with life in the U.S?
- Are you okay with your Au Pair only performing child care related tasks?
These are just a few things to consider when thinking about hosing an Au Pair. Take our quiz to find out if Au Pair child care will work for your family.
Begin with the selection and interview process
If you want to find an Au Pair who truly feels like part of the family, the best place to start is during the interview and selection process. that’s when you set the tone for the kind of relationship you hope to build.
Start with Your Family’s Values and Lifestyle
Before reviewing applications or setting up interviews, take a moment to reflect on who your family is at its core and what makes your family unique. Consider the dynamics that shape your day-to day life.
- Evaluate your values: What matters most in your household? Kindness? Punctuality? Flexibility? Communication?
- Consider your lifestyle:
- Are you an outdoorsy or home-based family?
- Always on the go or more laid-back?
- Is your home a bustling hub or a quiet retreat
- Think about your communication style
Once you’ve identified your family’s rhythm and values, it will be easier to spot candidates who align with your way of life. Think about how an Au Pair might integrate into your routines. Will they join for dinner regularly? Are you hoping for someone who wants to be involved in weekend outings or more independent?
Look Beyond the Resume
While experience, certifications, and references are important, they’re not everything. Some of the best Au Pair matches come down to personality fit. You need to consider that this person will be living with you and you will be spending a lot of time together.
- What are their hobbies and interests?
- Do they come from a big family or a close-knit community?
- How do they spend their free time?
- Does their energy match what you’re looking for in your home?
Take time during interviews to ask open-ended questions that give a glimpse into who they are beyond their qualifications. Asking open-ended questions not only gives you an idea of the candidates personality but also helps you evaluate their English level.
Include the Whole Family in the Process
Once you’ve done the initial screening and found a few promising candidates, bring your children into the process. Let them meet potential Au Pairs over video call, even young kids can give valuable clues about chemistry and comfort levels. Seeing how a candidate interacts with your children can give you insight no resume ever could.
If you are stuck deciding between a few candidates brining your children in can help you decide who will be the best fit.
Communicate Expectations Early
One of the most common causes of mismatched Au Pair experiences is misaligned expectations.
- Draft a clear list of what’s expected, from daily tasks to schedule flexibility and household rules.
- Share this list early, ideally during the interview phase, to make sure your candidate feels confident and comfortable with what’s ahead.
Being upfront helps build a foundation of honesty and trust from the start. You will already be building a bond by clearly communicating who your family is and your expectations early.
Trust Your Gut
You might meet a candidate with a perfect resume who checks all the boxes, but something just feels off. Or you might find someone who feels like a perfect match even if they’re a little less experienced. Don’t ignore your intuition. If it feels like a good fit, it probably is.
Most importantly, don’t let urgency pressure you into a decision. It can be tempting to rush into choosing an Au Pair because of a deadline but making the wrong match can lead to challenges down the road. Your family deserves a match that feels right, not just one that fills a gap.
Build a bond that will last a lifetime
Now that your Au Pair is on their way it’s time to shift from preparation to connection. Welcoming them into your home is more than just a handoff of responsibilities, it’s the beginning of a meaningful relationship.
Set the Stage for Connection After Arrival
The bond with your Au Pair doesn’t begin and end with placement, it grows with time and shared experience.
- Prepare their bedroom: Make their space cozy and welcoming. You can always help them decorate once they arrive, another great opportunity to bond.
- Welcome them warmly at the airport: Have your kids make a welcome banner or grab some balloons and welcome them at baggage claim.
- Give them a tour: Show them your home and take them around your community.
- Let them rest: Arriving to a new country and an unfamiliar space is sure to be overwhelming. Give them the opportunity to rest and get their bearings after arriving.
Make memories daily
Even the smallest thing can become a lifetime memory for you and your Au Pair. Each day is a new experience for your family and them.
- Include them in family meals: Sharing meals together is a great way to bond and get to know each other.
- Share your culture: Au Pairs are curious about your culture and they want to share theirs. Bonding over traditions, meals, and stories will bring you together.
- Include them in daily tasks: Whether it’s helping with meals, joining on a grocery tun, or attending a school event, inviting them to take part in these everyday moments deepens their sense of belonging.
Small gestures can make a big impact and help your Au Pair feel truly seen, valued, and part of the family from day one. Many families have an “Aha!” moment when it clicks and they know their Au Pair is family.
Communicate often
Regular check-ins with your Au Pair are essential, whether it’s through weekly family meetings or a simple “How are you feeling today?” text during the day. These small gestures show that you care and help keep communication lines open. Encourage your Au Pair to come to you with any concerns, questions, or needs and do the same in return. When both sides feel safe to speak honestly and openly, trust can grow naturally.
Consistent open and honest communication is one of the most powerful ways to build a bond that truly feels like family.
Gratitude goes a long way
Showing gratitude is a simple way to strengthen your relationship and make them feel truly valued. A quick thank you at the end of a hectic day or a thank you note is a great way to show your appreciation. When your Au Pair feels respected and valued, they’re more likely to thrive and really feel like part of your family.
More than help, a true family connection
Finding the right Au Pair isn’t just about filling a childcare role—it’s about welcoming someone into your home, your routines, and your hearts. When you take the time to align values, encourage openness, and build connection, you create space for a relationship that goes far beyond a program, and becomes part of your family story.
