One of the many ways hosting an Au Pair differs from hiring a regular nanny is that, in addition to welcoming someone who helps with childcare, you’re also inviting a new person to share your home. Like anyone living under the same roof, it makes sense to have household rules in place to help daily life feel more natural and respectful for everyone involved.
At Go Au Pair, we’ve supported thousands of families and Au Pairs in building strong, healthy connections. That’s why we created this article: to guide Host Families in setting thoughtful, collaborative house rules that grow with your relationship and make everyday life easier for everyone. Read on for some of our best Au Pair family rules examples and how to reinforce them in a way that feels gentle, useful, and respectful on both sides.
Why Home Rules Are Essential for Au Pairs
Just how important are household rules? At Go Au Pair, we’ve seen that the strongest Host Family–Au Pair relationships are the ones where both sides know what to expect. Having straightforward rules and discussing things like curfews, car use, or screen time upfront creates a more respectful, predictable routine at home. Plus, it saves you from having to address things reactively later on.
Clear rules also create space for open communication. When your Au Pair knows what’s expected and feels comfortable asking questions or offering input, it encourages trust and collaboration. So, instead of a one-sided list of demands, it becomes a shared understanding that can grow and evolve as your relationship does. Starting these conversations early makes checking in, adjusting, and staying aligned easier as daily life ebbs and flows.
How to Create Good House Rules That Work for Everyone
Household rules work best when they reflect mutual respect, offer clarity without being overly rigid, and support everyone’s ability to feel at home. The goal is to create a shared framework that makes everyday living easier, not to micromanage. Consider:
Discussing Expectations Early
It helps to start the conversation before your Au Pair arrives. Laying the groundwork upfront gives everyone time to understand what life at home will be like. A written guide or family Google document that outlines basic expectations like schedules, shared spaces, and car use can be a vital reference in the early weeks.
Balancing Structure with Flexibility
When welcoming someone new into your home, it might be tempting to map out every rule in detail. After all, having things spelled out can make daily life easier. But too many rules can feel overwhelming and restrictive. Start with a few key expectations and allow room for the relationship to grow.
For example, you might outline quiet hours, shared responsibilities, or curfew times, but keep the door open for small adjustments as your schedules and needs evolve. Involving your Au Pair in how the household flows helps them feel included and respected, and that often leads to more natural cooperation.
Common Household Rules for Au Pairs
Each household is different, so what matters most to one family might be less relevant to another. Still, there are a few areas that come up often when living and working together day-to-day. Below are some examples of household rules that many Host Families find helpful to discuss early on.
Safety and Home Responsibilities
Most families want their Au Pair to feel at home, but also to treat the home with care. That can include expectations like staying on top of child safety, locking doors, checking the stove, turning off lights, or unplugging appliances before leaving. Be sure to discuss routines around all expected duties, such as helping with dishes, laundry, or playroom cleanup, early on to help avoid confusion later.
Personal Boundaries and Privacy
Sharing a home means sharing space, but that doesn’t mean every space is always open or available. Many families set guidelines around curfews, quiet hours, and having friends over. It’s also common to set expectations around which rooms are shared and which are private. These conversations help everyone feel comfortable and respected while also avoiding awkward moments down the line.
Communication Guidelines
Open communication makes every relationship easier, and weekly check-ins are a great way to stay on the same page and discuss how everyone feels. Some families use group chats or shared calendars to keep track of plans or updates, and others prefer to set up a time for an informal meeting each week. The idea is to create a routine that works for both sides.
Tips for Enforcing Family House Rules Respectfully
Once you’ve determined the type of rules you want in place for your Au Pair, the next step is figuring out how to enforce them with care and respect. When rules are introduced and reinforced with patience, they’re more likely to be followed and to evolve naturally as your dynamic grows. Here are a few tips to keep in mind:
Be Clear But Understanding
It’s important to be direct when something isn’t working, while still approaching the conversation with kindness. Focus on solutions and explain why a certain rule matters to your household. If your Au Pair forgets something or makes a mistake, take it as a chance to teach, not to scold. Don’t forget to point out when they do something right or thank them for doing a task without you asking. This helps build trust and keeps the tone constructive.
Regularly Revisit and Adjust Rules
As your kids grow, routines change. Revisiting the household rules every few months, or after any major changes like a new school year or vacation, can help keep them top of mind. Invite input from your Au Pair and treat it like a check-in, not a correction.
Involve Your Au Pair in Problem-Solving
If something isn’t working well, like a missed curfew or an issue with chores, try bringing your Au Pair into the conversation rather than just prescribing a fix. Ask how they’ve been finding that part of the routine and if they have thoughts on improving it. This helps you find a solution together and shows your Au Pair that their input matters.
Use Examples, Not Assumptions
When it’s time to address a concern, be specific about what happened and why it matters. Instead of saying something general like “You’re always late,” try “Yesterday we were late for school pickup. Let’s talk about how to avoid that.” Giving a real example keeps the discussion grounded and makes the conversation easier to understand. It also helps your Au Pair learn and adjust without feeling criticized on a personal level.
Additional Resources for Setting Rules
Written rules can make expectations feel less personal and easier to reference. A welcome packet, house manual, or printed list of guidelines works well, especially in the first few weeks. Need more inspiration? We offer helpful resources for Host Families, including FAQs and in-depth guides!
Prepare for Success with Go Au Pair!
Thoughtful household rules help set the tone for a respectful, supportive relationship between your family and your Au Pair. When everyone knows what to expect, it’s easier to share space and create a kinder, more organized home environment that works for everyone.
Discover Host Family resources or browse Au Pair profiles today to find the right match for your home!
